I LOVE MY SPAM (EMAIL)

Not too fond on the food, but I love checking my spam email.  First, it makes me feel like a great person; someone who is wise and can be trusted with large amounts of international currency.  My secondary reason for loving my spam email is because important people often communicate to me and send me blessings upon blessings.

Here are some of my favorite examples from today's spam inbox:

"My name is Rev Edward Peters I am working with the United Nations on Relief and Humanitarian Assisted Programs on the displaced people in Africa and Syria...."

He was nice enough to reach out to me PERSONALLY and invite me to receive a large sum of money in return for a confidential investment. In fact, he's written me three times today!  Must be really important. .. .

From Mrs. Grace Spencer:

"I instructed one of the nurses here in these hospital to help me mail you and I believe that you will be honest to fulfil my final wish before I will die. . ..I was brought up in a motherless babies home.  My husband and I are true Christians.  He died in a fatal motor accident.  I sold all my inheritance value $12.8 million USD which I packed in metal boxes. . . ."

Mrs. Spencer must be getting on since she has lived in the UK all her life but has suddenly lost the ability to form coherent sentences.  She wants me to take her millions and spread them out among charities around the world.  Now THAT is generosity.

I had a generous offer for some male enhancement products, but I'll skip that since I'm not male (or in need of enhancements).

Now, Mr. J.T. Philippe is the CEO International Remittance & Account of the Bank of Africa.  He's writing to let me know that I accidentally put a few million dollars into one of their bank accounts and someone else was trying to grab my money!:

"This you have to keep as a top secret to ensure that nothing hitches the transfer of your funds this time around."

I'm pretty impressed that my net worth grew by $30 million while my money was in Africa.  But, I apparently have some rich people who love me.  Mr. S.D. Adams is the new security adviser to the United Nation Owed Debts Payment Recover Commission.  I guess that would be the UNODPRC.  The might need to work on that:

"We wish to bring to your urgent notice that your payment profile is still reflecting in our central computer as unclaimed. . . .In this regards, I am going to use my good office to send you your part payment in the tune of $6,000,000.00 . . .

Something sneaky might be going on there, since he says he won't do it unless he gets 10%.  Hmmmmm.

An oil tycoon from Syria let me know he is thinking about moving to Australia to get away from war and just needs someone to handle his money:

"I want you to receive this fund on my behalf and invest on a profitable business venture on agreed terms."

I'm sure I could still get stock in that bridge in Arizona . ..I'll check on it.

The United Nations must be HORRIBLE at money management.  Ms. Helen White wants to send me $2,000 every day for 25 days.  That pesky UN found MORE of my money.

I also didn't know that Google handed out big prizes.  I was informed today that I won $460,000 and a brand new 2009 Range Rover from the Google Yearly Award Program.  I just have to email them back with all my info and they will process my prize!  But, I'm pretty darn lucky because I've also won in the U.S. Green Card Email Ballot Lottery.  The U.S.A Dept of State says:

". . . .the aims and objectives of the program is to give free visa's to citizens of developing countries around the world who wishes to travel to U.S and start a new life and work."

I'm excited to have won this but pretty sure my citizenship was established around 1976 when I was born in Haskell, TX, USA.

If you ever feel you need some personal assurance that you are a GOOD person who can be trusted and are blessed beyond measure. . . check your spam.  Don't click on anything, though.  Also, don't forward them to anyone as you've been asked to keep all this TOP SECRET.