Described as "a weird sensation," a "torpedo right up in there," and "a massage for your anus," have you ever used a bidet?

I'm not gonna lie, the sheer idea of squirting water at your b-hole doesn't leave good thoughts in your mind. What if it's cold? What if the pressure is too high and it ruptures my colon? Is toilet tissue no longer effective?

These are all questions you'll have to answer yourself. I'll stick with doing it old school on my composting toilet.