Top 16 (funny) Things We Know About Pope Francis
Yesterday, the white smoke rose and Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina was elected as the new pope. He is the first pope from the Americas and was elected as the 266th Pontiff and will lead the world’s 1.2 billion Catholics.
Check out what we discovered about the new Holy Father with the top 16 things we know about Pope Francis:
1. His last name rhymes with “gigolo.” And if you laughed at that, congratulations, you’re going to HELL!
2. He’s lived a clean, chaste life. But since he’s South American, odds are he has a cousin who sold you weed.
3. He has a huge head. Which will make his hat look normal-sized.
4. At 76, he adds some much-needed youth and spirit to The Vatican.
5. He’s now the world’s second most powerful virgin, behind Tim Tebow.
6. He’s so humble that he almost cancels out Kanye West. Almost.
7. He’s the first thing to come from South America that doesn’t lie since Shakira’s hips.
8. Even though he’s the ultimate authority to 1.2 billion people, he still wouldn’t dare do something as presumptuous as telling them how much soda they can drink.
9. Unlike Pope Benedict, he bears no resemblance to a “Star Wars” emperor.
10. During the conclave, he was cracking the cardinals up by hilariously saying, “No pope for you!” in the Soup Nazi voice.
11. He’s the only person in South America who never wore a thong to the beach.
12. Sundays are for mass. Saturdays are for “Sabado Gigante”!
13. His first pardon will be to forgive Madonna for “Evita”.
14. He insists that his private bathroom have pope-pouri.
15. He’s a size 7 in giant pope hats.
16. He still has that New Pope smell.