Oklahoma Appears On List of Best ‘Naked Cycling’ Cities

In what might be the weirdest news of 2022, conservative Oklahoma has two cities atop the list of this year's "Best Cities for Naked Biking."

Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot my dude... Do these people really exist? I mean, as a fan of motorcycling, I totally understand the satisfying feeling of wind rushing through your hair... but this whole thing may be too much hair to be twirling in the wind.

Before I dive deep into researching this, opening the seedy underbelly of naked Oklahoma and inviting the inevitable visit from HR due to my internet history, is nude cycling really as common in this state as the list implies? That's the question.

This Should Be Interesting

Naked bicycling is a relatively new trend in the grand scheme of the modern world. While it started as a way to, well, expose the masses to the awareness of bicyclists that share the road, it has evolved into a worldwide political movement.

The year was 2003. A cycling enthusiast and social activist from South Africa named Conrad Schmidt organized a nude protest against the war in Iraq while he was living in Vancouver. It was fifty people made up of mostly artists that formed a peace sign with their naked bodies. If you don't remember reading about it, you're not out of the loop.

While his creation did make regional headlines across Canada, it didn't have the punch of awareness the group was hoping for. For all intents and purposes, it lacked, well, balls.

Schmidt started working on a new idea and in 2004 he experienced a little activism success with his international "World Naked Bike Ride." One day where everyone that was willing to redefine the meaning of "banana seat" was able to, and they did. Even here in Oklahoma.

While I can't access the official World Naked Bike Ride website from work, saving the need to open my last can of eye-bleach, there is a deep history of the movement found through searching on various Oklahoma bicycling forums, where it found a slightly different political movement to pander.

As one forum member posted:

World Naked Bike Ride-Oklahoma is part of the worldwide
movement, www.worldnakedbikeride.org, to exercise your First Amendment rights as an Oklahoman, as an American, against the cult of oil, the state suppression of free speech, and the stupidity of criminalizing public nudity in Oklahoma.

Yep, that's a whole lot of things to pile on what was supposed to be a worldwide expression against escalating to war in Iraq. As evident in the response from other members.

I think that's one cause too many for a bike ride, if not
two.

As the years have grown, the wars supposedly having come to an end, what are these naked bikers sporting short-and-curlies for these days?

As if to say it's finally come full circle, 2022's World Naked Bike Ride was a political statement against oil. The worldwide dependency on oil and the environmental and cycling safety aspects of the motor vehicle culture.

That's a long walk to reach the original conclusion.

2022's World Naked Bike Ride event was a month ago, and while it happened globally, it also happened OKlocally (pronounced Oak-Locally... I made that up, it's mine now) in OKC and Tulsa. While that doesn't seem unstatistical because every place you can travel has a population that will support any wild idea, it does seem weird to be on this "Best Cities for Naked Biking" list.

Tulsa scored higher by metrics as the #22 destination in the top 200, mainly due to cyclist inclusion and popularity among the biker population, but it's a skewed statistic in itself. The smaller the group, the higher the percentage is of those who partake.

OKC came in at #63 with metrics that don't inspire any confidence at all in this activity. Poorly ranked for cyclist safety, social acceptability, and the overall climate but the popularity of this yearly event is apparently there.

It's worth noting that OKC also ranked barely higher on this list than Laredo, Texas where you're pretty likely to be kidnapped and ransomed by a cartel... so we have that going for us.

Truth be told, this is a global event that has happened every year for almost two full decades and you and I are just now finding out about it. That seems like an obvious failure of the organizers. But since I'm a problem solver, let's fix this.

In order to boost that awareness for whatever movement this group is on about, the 2023 World Naked Bike Ride shall transform into something that will shake headlines across the globe. In 2023, we shall change it completely to World Naked Mobility Scooter Ride and watch the media burn it into our brains.

Even the thought is so visceral we need a little eye bleach. Take a 50/50 chance on this link... It's either an adorable puppers or a naked person on a mobility scooter. May the odds ever be in your favor. Cheers