Oh look, it's everyone's favorite guy: the angry Android enthusiast. Someone do us a solid and slap this dude. We like our iPhone's, leave us alone! We'll admit it: the new map app sucks. We know, we know, the text autocorrect is annoying. Yes, Siri can often be difficult, but she's charming. It's true, changing the charging port was a dumb move. And yes, charging $500 for a telephone is ridiculous, given the state of the economy.

We know all of this, so please silence yourself. You've already wasted 18% of our battery because we watched this video on the power-draining YouTube app -- which we had to re-download after upgrading -- and we need a charger. Does anyone have one? No, not that kind, we need the new one.

If only we had a standard micro-USB cable.