It’s summertime, which means you’ll probably take a week off for vacation to relax. But a vacation can be anything but relaxing.

A new British survey has found men’s biggest concern before going on holiday (as those wacky Brits call it) is getting rid of their beer belly (which, as we all know, is false).

This fear is misplaced, however, because there are plenty of other matters men need to fret over before packing and heading out for some R and R:

  • Getting kidnapped

    If you’re taking the family on a delightful holiday in Mexico, be warned. You don’t want to be abducted in the streets of Tijuana, become a pawn in some war between drug cartels or hijacked and forced to fend off vampires (hey, we saw ‘From Dusk ‘Til Dawn).

  • Getting stuck on a cruise

    Like barbecues and catching fireflies, hearing about stranded boats is now a summer rite of passage. Your dreams of chilling out on a massive boat where you can hang starboard while the kids are practically in another zip code on port turn into a nightmare when the boat runs aground and you’re left without working toilets and enough sweat to fill the ocean below you.

  • Getting charged with murder after hooking up with a hot chick

    Thanks, Joran Van Der Sloot. Just lay low. It’s just not worth bagging that girl at the bar while backpacking through Europe with your friend who mysteriously disappears on the night in question to score some ganj, leaving you with no alibi.

  • Getting a room that’s next to Aaron Hernandez

    Maybe he’ll be running from the law, maybe he’ll be on vacation, but you do not want to have to call hotel management to report what appear to be loud gunshots.

  • Getting a sunburn

    Make sure to grab your SPF 4000 or whatever it is you need to keep the rays from causing your skin to bubble like a DiGiorno pizza. You don't want to be the doofus who forgets it, falls asleep at the pool and wakes to find himself as a deep-fried tourist who looks like he should be dating the Tanning Mom.


  • Getting food poisoning

    Look, if you’re taking the family on a road trip, you’ve gotta conserve money somehow and often times it happens at a franchise. But chowing down on the all-you-can-eat $12.95 special at Golden Corral comes with a set of gastrointestinal problems that the toilet in the Red Roof Inn you booked a room is not equipped to handle.

  • Getting photographed in clothing that will be mocked for years to come

    In 30 years, there’s a very good chance a picture of you decked out in plaid shorts, green shirt, black socks, sandals, visor and fanny-pack will somehow be sitting in a frame in the musty living room whose scent creeps out your grandkids. You want to avoid that at all costs. So, remember that when packing for your trip.