Welcome to Texas, y’all! The ‘American Idol‘ judges — including, of course, our own Steven Tyler — hit the Lone Star state for the Thursday night audition show.

“It’s still hard for me to tell somebody they suck,” he said. And then, as if on cue, we saw a guy who sucked harder than an Aerosmith groupie. At least Steven broke it to him gently.

A young girl who did get a Golden Ticket brought in a friend who mauled Steven, but in a way that didn’t require security intervention, so he gamely hugged her back before he sat down and put his reading glasses back on. (Which is always rattling. It’s like peeking behind the rock star curtain and finding out they’re merely mortal.)

And then Randy and Steven inexplicably lost their minds and started turning down great singers and putting “meh” ones through, which caused J.Lo to seriously consider shanking them both. While her head was still spinning around, one auditioner said she was gonna pee herself. Apparently unflappable, Steven invited her to go right ahead and do so.

When one of the crazy guys who’s become de rigueur during these audition shows started talking about how long Steven’s been in the business, Tyler concurred, saying, “I wrote ‘Dream On’ when the Dead Sea was still sick.”

A chick wearing shiny metal pants who did unspeakable things to an Adele song while gyrating and squatting suggestively got a big fat “no” from the judges, but not before Steven said, “I bet you’re amazing … on the dance floor.” Assuming she has a disco ball over her bed, of course.

After wiping his mouth on Ryan Seacrest’s tie, Tyler and the rest of the judges finally saw the last singer of the night, a dude with an okay voice but a great sob story. Steven declared him a “power of example” and sent him off to get his Golden Ticket.

And that’s all, folks. More audition nuttiness next week.